Why marriage tends to be celebrated more for women than for men
"You made it - someone chose you"
Two phrases, casually thrown around at weddings, yet packed with meaning. One is said to a groom, often accompanied by laughter and playful jabs. The other is said to a bride, with admiration, pride, and sometimes even envy. Together, they reflect a long-standing imbalance in how marriage is perceived for men and women.
Why is a woman’s marriage celebrated as a life achievement, while a man’s is seen as something that happens along the way?
🏛️A historical lens
Historically, marriage was not just a romantic union — it was an economic and social necessity for women. In many societies, a woman’s access to financial security, social status, and even physical safety depended heavily on her husband (Women’s history and finance, n.d.). Unmarried women often found themselves marginalized, both economically and socially. Without a husband, a woman was frequently seen as a burden to her family or community, lacking autonomy and protection (Magazine & Magazine, 2021).
Because of this dependence, marriage became a defining milestone in a woman’s life — the key transition from daughter to wife, and eventually to mother. Many cultures reinforced this by assigning a woman’s value to her marital status. Weddings, therefore, became celebratory rituals not just of love, but of successful social placement.
For men, however, value was more often tied to land ownership, profession, or social status. A man could build his identity through what he accomplished. Marriage, while significant, wasn’t seen as central to his worth or destiny (Fierstein, 2020).
Though many societies have evolved, remnants of these expectations still shape how we treat marriage today — especially for women.
🇦🇲 Armenian Context: "Տունը մնացած"
In Armenian culture, a familiar phrase captures the lingering pressure women face: "Տունը մնացած" — meaning “left at home,” used for women who reach a certain age without marrying. This term implies failure, pity, or even shame. It reduces a woman’s value to whether someone has "taken" her, and assumes that remaining unmarried is inherently undesirable.
As a result, many young women — even as early as 16 or 18 — begin prioritizing the search for a “good husband” over their own personal development. Instead of exploring interests, building a career, or simply enjoying youth, they are expected to enter into a role that has been predetermined for them.
Even women who pursue higher education often do so with marriage still looming as the ultimate goal. Once married — especially after having children — their social lives tend to shrink. Many stop working, or never begin. Their identity narrows to being a wife and mother. Social interaction is often limited to neighbors. Personal hobbies, professional growth, and independent experiences take a back seat — or disappear entirely.
Men, by contrast, typically maintain their independence. They keep their friendships, their jobs, and their sense of self outside of the home. While they, too, become husbands and fathers, they are rarely expected to surrender their identity in the process.
So why is this reality so celebrated? Why does the act of getting married garner more praise than a woman’s personal identity, dreams, or accomplishments?
The Early Conditioning
It starts early — sometimes before a girl can fully form her sense of self. From childhood, girls are taught that being loved, chosen, and married is the ultimate form of success. Toys, cartoons, family conversations — all reinforce this. Girls browse wedding dresses for fun, pin engagement rings on digital boards, and fantasize about the flowers at their future ceremonies.
Meanwhile, boys are not raised with the same script. They are told to chase experiences, build things, explore, and live life. Marriage, if it comes up, is a far-off event — maybe desirable, maybe not — but never the central measure of their value.
This difference shapes not just expectations, but entire identities.
A Final Thought
Until we begin valuing women not just for their roles in relation to others — wife, mother, caregiver — but as full, evolving individuals with ambitions and agency, marriage will continue to be a gendered celebration.
It’s not that marriage shouldn’t be celebrated. It’s that a woman’s life shouldn't be celebrated only when it happens.
References
Women’s history and finance. (n.d.). Women's history and finance
Magazine, S. T. C., & Magazine, S. T. C. (2021, April 2). The Fate of Single Women: Startling Examples from World History - CH2. (Magazine & Magazine, 2021)
Fierstein, J. (2020, October 11). Men, Work and Sourcing One’s Identity | Phoenix Men’s Counseling | Phoenix, AZ. Phoenix Men’s Counseling. Men, Work And Sourcing One's Identity
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